Linking in to LinkedIn

I logged into LinkedIn today hoping to congratulate ex-colleagues on their new roles and pursue shadowy offers from normy recruiters. LinkedIn saw its opportunity and pounced. It informed me that I needed to improve my intentionally spare profile. That doing so would mean more and better shadowy offers from more and better normy recruiters.

I hate writing about myself. Or at least I hate it when I have to write in the form of a self description, or a cover letter. LinkedIn knows this, and had written a profile for me. I was obviously overjoyed. I could improve my job prospects without actually writing anything, or expending any of my precious energy.

Here is LinkedIn's suggestion in full:

For those who are blocking images, let's have that again in plain text.

I am a software Model currently in the Premium Models Software Development Graduate Scheme. Having gained experience in both frontend and backend development I have gained skills in JavaScript, React, Vue, Angular, Redux and Node. js which has helped me build my professional portfolio. - BSc (Hons) Computing from The University of South Wales with Upper Second Class Honours classification

So. That is:

• An incorrect description of my current job, with both an incorrect employer, and an incorrect job title (this information is listed correctly in my profile).
• A wildly incorrect description of my education history (this information is listed correctly in my profile).
• A somewhat closer, but still substantially incorrect description of my areas of specialisation as a software engineer (this information is listed correctly in my profile).

On consideration I decided to go with this profile, as I think it's better than anything I would have written for myself.

I hit submit

I tried again. It didn't work.